My earliest memory of feeling jealous brings me back to grade five. Stacy Callahan. At the time she was a new student at our school and had moved into a pristine white cape cod style home backing onto a lake in an area close to where I lived. Her family looked like they were plucked individually and cast to be in the next TV movie. Her father was tall, dark and handsome with a chiseled jaw and a 5 o'clock shadow. Her mother looked like she stepped straight out of a barbie box and of course both of them attended every class trip and school function imaginable. Stacy was the cutest girl in the class with her tall athletic build, blonde wavy hair and perfect skin and teeth ...not to mention she was good at everything! She had the coolest robot project, the most creative routine at the lip synch contest and wowed everyone with flips and handsprings, a result of her strict competitive gymnastics schedule. She had straight A's so took the place as teachers pet yet somehow
dodged nerd status and maintained the respect and awe of our
classmates. To me, she was the girl who had everything. Even her name was cool. The method I used for coping with my envy was placing her on a pedestal and longing to be her friend. I would often daydream about what it would be like to live in her shoes for a day.
Years later, in the midst of deep soulful conversation with friends, I've learned that I was that person to them....me?! I was their Stacy Callahan?! All of my poor choices and life regrets flashed before me and I suddenly felt a lot of pressure. It was then I realized that the image of someones life, either painted with intentional strokes or not, is often an illusion in the eye of the beholder. I mean, who knows...Stacy could be a washed up crack whore now for all I know.
Perhaps it was my own sense of insecurity that lead me to come to this conclusion but whether it's allowing your own feelings to rear it's ugly head or falling victim to others jealousy, I have come to recognize there are a variety of ways that people will manage these feelings aside from idealizing someone.
How to Improve Self-esteem - A guide written by the Green Eyed Monster
1) Find the hermit in you! You will never feel bad about yourself if you avoid people all together. Use this technique for those occasions when you find yourself the third wheel and the only one not laughing about an inside joke. Also helpful for those evenings you are invited to movie night so you can watch your friend feed popcorn to her George Clooney look-alike husband.
2) It's always a good idea to push those feelings of jealousy as far into your subconscious as possible. That way when you are forced to face the offender, you can appear as aloof as possible. Don't worry...you won't loose friends by being hot one day and cold the next...you can always use hormones as an excuse.
3) When suppressing your feelings just won't work, use a cryptic message to tell someone how you really feel about something by describing the same situation using different names and places...take joy in watching them squirm.
4) Passive aggression is much cheaper than therapy. Most people don't know this but this was the original purpose for the invention of facebook. Post your story for your 500 friends to see...including the offender and sleep better tonight.
5) Emphasize how if you really wanted to, you could buy a 6000 square foot vacation home in Hawaii too, if you really wanted too...but you don't of course.
6) Take an idea and run with it! If you execute it first then it was never theirs to begin with!
7) Repeat this mantra courtesy of the Jones': Anything you can do, I can do better!
8) Tell your friend how great she looks is the ugly ass sweater because the more hideous she looks, the more beautiful you shall appear!
9) The most important rule of all in maintaining your self esteem is to never...ever...let anyone see that you are a vulnerable human being.
Labels: insecurity, jealousy